The four month anniversary of our homecoming with the girls was yesterday. It is so hard to believe that they've been with us a third of the year already. But in that span of time so many changes have occurred and so much has happened. We look at pictures of them right after we got home and they look so different now. Their language skills have changed so much. Their thinking is evolving. It is a blessing to step back and take stock of it all.
One dramatic change is how much they've grown physically. In four months, Ella has gained 8 pounds and grown 3 inches. Zhanna has gained 5 pounds and grown 2 inches. They are both outgrowing the clothes we bought for them over the summer and the school clothes we purchased just 3 months ago. I just had to order new school uniform clothes online to get bigger sizes because you can't find a good selection in the stores right now. We're in the process of shopping, little by little, for warm clothes for fall and winter in larger sizes than they wore in the summer. The girls are growing because they are eating a lot. They now love hamburgers and would eat them everyday if we'd let them. But they are venturing out in tastes of other foods, too. They are more willing to try new foods and are eating things they wouldn't even touch when they first arrived. They both like lettuce salad with ranch dressing and are trying other new vegetables, as well. They are more willing to try casseroles now and other new combinations of foods. Keeping them fed and clothed has been a financial challenge, no doubt! But God continues to supply all our needs.
Another dramatic change is happening in the acquisition of English language skills. When school first started we couldn't imagine how they would make it without a Russian/English tutor to help them with all the comprehension issues in the schoolwork for the entire year. We had a tutor for the first week, and then didn't feel we needed her any longer. The girls become more proficient readers and learners daily! They both have strong drive and determination to excel to the best of their ability. Yes, they get tired of school and the demands, but they are willing to keep working hard to do their best. We received their first report cards this last week and they both received all A's and B's with only slight modifications from what the other children are doing. They continue to have personal instruction in language and math from our school administrators, but other than that they have been expected to keep up with the regular curriculum. It has been challenging, for them and for us, but we're proud of them for working so hard.
Change is also happening emotionally. They seem to have fully bonded with us and are relaxed in interaction with Mark and me as their parents. They sit on Mark's lap and hug him, even though they still tease him a lot. But I think that's just how they cope with the entrance of a man into a personal relationship in their lives at ages 12 and 13. At the ages when they are beginning to notice boys and become aware of their own bodies, it is just too weird to express "lovey-dovey" emotions to their dad. They compensate by being goofy and silly and even critical in a teasing way, while at the same time, longing for the hugs and the attention and affection he gives them. I think they are beginning to appreciate the role of a dad and understand the value of a father in their lives.
They still love on me and hug and kiss me to death, but they also know that mom will "lay down the law," if necessary, and they respect that. We engage in power and control struggles sometimes, when I've asked them to do something and they delay, or try to talk me (whine, whine) out of it. I have to remember to stand firm, because that is what they really want and need, but it's often difficult. They want boundaries, but also want to test the boundaries to see if they are firm or if they can be moved. That's typical for kids these ages, but even more so when we are just establishing this relationship as a family. They must understand that we are, indeed, the parents, and we love them and will take good care of them, and we have their best interest in mind. They have to be able to trust us, even as they struggle for adolescent control. In all of this, Mark and I have resolved to try our best to be pro-active, rather than reactive. That means we have to tread gently and pick our battles carefully. We have to show abundant love, even as we direct and discipline. God gives us wisdom in this and helps us to cope on days when something doesn't go well. But we are seeing much growth in the girls' responses to difficulties, and in interaction with us and other people, and in new situations.
Another huge area of growth is spiritually. To watch the girls' spiritual understanding unfold like beautiful blossoms is truly a miraculous thing. Our family has always enjoyed listening to Christian music. Last spring, before we went to Ukraine, Mark and I decided we would step out in faith and send monthly support to K-Love, a national Christian radio station. We listen to that station in the car and at home almost all the time. A few weeks after we had been home we noticed the girls were in the backseat of the car singing the words to the songs, whenever we drove somewhere. Now they know almost all the words to most of the songs that are played on K-Love. Not only have the songs blessed them spiritually, but they've also helped in acquiring language skills. Zhanna and Ella's current favorite song is "City on Our Knees" by Toby Mac. In addition to music, the girls are reading their Bibles in Russian and in English. They remember so many Bible stories, and are able to articulate the meanings of harder concepts in the stories. They love going to church and seeing all the people, even if they don't always understand everything about the sermons or the lessons. I think love speaks louder than words, and that is what they see and feel. The people at church have been so welcoming and loving to the girls and Zhanna and Ella feel accepted and at peace in the family there. The most beautiful evidence of their spiritual growth is their prayers. We pray before meals, but it is at night, before we all go to bed, when their hearts are revealed in prayer. We usually each take turns praying and both Zhanna and Ella will say "Thank you for my church, thank you for my school, and thank you for my family," almost every night. Then they will thoughtfully pray for people and situations we know. They demonstrate a real trust and reliance on God. It is such a blessing to hear God at work in their hearts.
Changes are occurring and we're making memories together. We took them to the State Fair (twice) in September. We went to the Balloon Fiesta at the beginning of October. Two weeks ago we took our first family road trip as we traveled to Lubbock to see Annie perform in "Thoroughly Modern Millie," a musical done by her University. Zhanna and Ella loved seeing their big sister on stage (Annie did an amazing job, by the way!), and they spent one night with her in her dorm room. They also got to see their brother, Nathan. He drove up from Abilene to see Annie and be with all of us. Then last weekend, Nathan and Annie both came home for a few days. Annie was on fall break and Nathan came home to run in a half-marathon (he did quite well!). It was good to be connected as family for two weekends in a row. We are now looking forward to Thanksgiving, when we'll all be together again, in addition to spending time with my sisters and their families. Zhanna and Ella will get to meet aunts and uncles and cousins!
So, life is busy, full, and ever changing. We are family, but are continually waiting to discover what that means! If you have your children from birth you understand their temperaments and can somewhat anticipate their reactions by the time they are 12 or 13 years old. But we are discovering new information about our girls everyday. For instance, we know now that Ella is our neat one. Zhanna is a bit (understatement) more scattered. When I ask the girls to clean their room, Ella gets right on it and is highly motivated to make a nice, clean and orderly environment in which to live. Zhanna will delay and procrastinate and try to finagle someone else to do the work for her, and then she'll do the job with only half as much effort and preciseness as Ella will. In doing schoolwork Zhanna will "get it" much more easily than Ella will, but Ella will work at it and work at it until she gets it. Ella will ask questions. Zhanna won't. Zhanna sometimes gets a little lazy, or maybe reasons "why should I put more effort into whatever I'm doing, when I can get it done acceptably in less time?" Ella doesn't really seem to care what other people think. She approaches life like a kid. Zhanna is very concerned about appearance and how others might view her and whether or not she "fits" in. She doesn't want to do anything that might draw attention to herself or make her look foolish. She holds back in meeting new people and in forming new relationships until she feels safe. Ella does that somewhat, too, as she follows Zhanna's lead, but she'll more readily make eye contact and talk with a new person than Zhanna will.
So, our job as new parents to these beautiful and complex young human beings that God has entrusted into our care is to understand and to love and direct and to guide. Not always an easy task. As a matter of fact, it is downright difficult some days. But we are encouraged by the changes and the growth and the wonder and the wisdom of God. He gives us strength. We rely on Him. We read somewhere recently that people should never choose to adopt because it is the "Christian thing to do." They should only choose to adopt because of love. We are finding this to be so true. God is love. We love Him because He first loved us. We love our children (both natural born and adopted) because He entrusted them to us. We love others because they were made in God's image. God is a God of love and of change. He will see us through.
"Dear friends, we should love each other, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has become God's child. And so everyone who loves knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his only Son into the world to give us life through him." I John 4:7-9
May you know God's love as He takes you through the changes of life.
In Christ,
Dawn and Mark
