Four Months

The four month anniversary of our homecoming with the girls was yesterday. It is so hard to believe that they've been with us a third of the year already. But in that span of time so many changes have occurred and so much has happened. We look at pictures of them right after we got home and they look so different now. Their language skills have changed so much. Their thinking is evolving. It is a blessing to step back and take stock of it all.

One dramatic change is how much they've grown physically. In four months, Ella has gained 8 pounds and grown 3 inches. Zhanna has gained 5 pounds and grown 2 inches. They are both outgrowing the clothes we bought for them over the summer and the school clothes we purchased just 3 months ago. I just had to order new school uniform clothes online to get bigger sizes because you can't find a good selection in the stores right now. We're in the process of shopping, little by little, for warm clothes for fall and winter in larger sizes than they wore in the summer. The girls are growing because they are eating a lot. They now love hamburgers and would eat them everyday if we'd let them. But they are venturing out in tastes of other foods, too. They are more willing to try new foods and are eating things they wouldn't even touch when they first arrived. They both like lettuce salad with ranch dressing and are trying other new vegetables, as well. They are more willing to try casseroles now and other new combinations of foods. Keeping them fed and clothed has been a financial challenge, no doubt! But God continues to supply all our needs.

Another dramatic change is happening in the acquisition of English language skills. When school first started we couldn't imagine how they would make it without a Russian/English tutor to help them with all the comprehension issues in the schoolwork for the entire year. We had a tutor for the first week, and then didn't feel we needed her any longer. The girls become more proficient readers and learners daily! They both have strong drive and determination to excel to the best of their ability. Yes, they get tired of school and the demands, but they are willing to keep working hard to do their best. We received their first report cards this last week and they both received all A's and B's with only slight modifications from what the other children are doing. They continue to have personal instruction in language and math from our school administrators, but other than that they have been expected to keep up with the regular curriculum. It has been challenging, for them and for us, but we're proud of them for working so hard.

Change is also happening emotionally. They seem to have fully bonded with us and are relaxed in interaction with Mark and me as their parents. They sit on Mark's lap and hug him, even though they still tease him a lot. But I think that's just how they cope with the entrance of a man into a personal relationship in their lives at ages 12 and 13. At the ages when they are beginning to notice boys and become aware of their own bodies, it is just too weird to express "lovey-dovey" emotions to their dad. They compensate by being goofy and silly and even critical in a teasing way, while at the same time, longing for the hugs and the attention and affection he gives them. I think they are beginning to appreciate the role of a dad and understand the value of a father in their lives.

They still love on me and hug and kiss me to death, but they also know that mom will "lay down the law," if necessary, and they respect that. We engage in power and control struggles sometimes, when I've asked them to do something and they delay, or try to talk me (whine, whine) out of it. I have to remember to stand firm, because that is what they really want and need, but it's often difficult. They want boundaries, but also want to test the boundaries to see if they are firm or if they can be moved. That's typical for kids these ages, but even more so when we are just establishing this relationship as a family. They must understand that we are, indeed, the parents, and we love them and will take good care of them, and we have their best interest in mind. They have to be able to trust us, even as they struggle for adolescent control. In all of this, Mark and I have resolved to try our best to be pro-active, rather than reactive. That means we have to tread gently and pick our battles carefully. We have to show abundant love, even as we direct and discipline. God gives us wisdom in this and helps us to cope on days when something doesn't go well. But we are seeing much growth in the girls' responses to difficulties, and in interaction with us and other people, and in new situations.

Another huge area of growth is spiritually. To watch the girls' spiritual understanding unfold like beautiful blossoms is truly a miraculous thing. Our family has always enjoyed listening to Christian music. Last spring, before we went to Ukraine, Mark and I decided we would step out in faith and send monthly support to K-Love, a national Christian radio station. We listen to that station in the car and at home almost all the time. A few weeks after we had been home we noticed the girls were in the backseat of the car singing the words to the songs, whenever we drove somewhere. Now they know almost all the words to most of the songs that are played on K-Love. Not only have the songs blessed them spiritually, but they've also helped in acquiring language skills. Zhanna and Ella's current favorite song is "City on Our Knees" by Toby Mac. In addition to music, the girls are reading their Bibles in Russian and in English. They remember so many Bible stories, and are able to articulate the meanings of harder concepts in the stories. They love going to church and seeing all the people, even if they don't always understand everything about the sermons or the lessons. I think love speaks louder than words, and that is what they see and feel. The people at church have been so welcoming and loving to the girls and Zhanna and Ella feel accepted and at peace in the family there. The most beautiful evidence of their spiritual growth is their prayers. We pray before meals, but it is at night, before we all go to bed, when their hearts are revealed in prayer. We usually each take turns praying and both Zhanna and Ella will say "Thank you for my church, thank you for my school, and thank you for my family," almost every night. Then they will thoughtfully pray for people and situations we know. They demonstrate a real trust and reliance on God. It is such a blessing to hear God at work in their hearts.

Changes are occurring and we're making memories together. We took them to the State Fair (twice) in September. We went to the Balloon Fiesta at the beginning of October. Two weeks ago we took our first family road trip as we traveled to Lubbock to see Annie perform in "Thoroughly Modern Millie," a musical done by her University. Zhanna and Ella loved seeing their big sister on stage (Annie did an amazing job, by the way!), and they spent one night with her in her dorm room. They also got to see their brother, Nathan. He drove up from Abilene to see Annie and be with all of us. Then last weekend, Nathan and Annie both came home for a few days. Annie was on fall break and Nathan came home to run in a half-marathon (he did quite well!). It was good to be connected as family for two weekends in a row. We are now looking forward to Thanksgiving, when we'll all be together again, in addition to spending time with my sisters and their families. Zhanna and Ella will get to meet aunts and uncles and cousins!

So, life is busy, full, and ever changing. We are family, but are continually waiting to discover what that means! If you have your children from birth you understand their temperaments and can somewhat anticipate their reactions by the time they are 12 or 13 years old. But we are discovering new information about our girls everyday. For instance, we know now that Ella is our neat one. Zhanna is a bit (understatement) more scattered. When I ask the girls to clean their room, Ella gets right on it and is highly motivated to make a nice, clean and orderly environment in which to live. Zhanna will delay and procrastinate and try to finagle someone else to do the work for her, and then she'll do the job with only half as much effort and preciseness as Ella will. In doing schoolwork Zhanna will "get it" much more easily than Ella will, but Ella will work at it and work at it until she gets it. Ella will ask questions. Zhanna won't. Zhanna sometimes gets a little lazy, or maybe reasons "why should I put more effort into whatever I'm doing, when I can get it done acceptably in less time?" Ella doesn't really seem to care what other people think. She approaches life like a kid. Zhanna is very concerned about appearance and how others might view her and whether or not she "fits" in. She doesn't want to do anything that might draw attention to herself or make her look foolish. She holds back in meeting new people and in forming new relationships until she feels safe. Ella does that somewhat, too, as she follows Zhanna's lead, but she'll more readily make eye contact and talk with a new person than Zhanna will.

So, our job as new parents to these beautiful and complex young human beings that God has entrusted into our care is to understand and to love and direct and to guide. Not always an easy task. As a matter of fact, it is downright difficult some days. But we are encouraged by the changes and the growth and the wonder and the wisdom of God. He gives us strength. We rely on Him. We read somewhere recently that people should never choose to adopt because it is the "Christian thing to do." They should only choose to adopt because of love. We are finding this to be so true. God is love. We love Him because He first loved us. We love our children (both natural born and adopted) because He entrusted them to us. We love others because they were made in God's image. God is a God of love and of change. He will see us through.

"Dear friends, we should love each other, because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has become God's child. And so everyone who loves knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his only Son into the world to give us life through him." I John 4:7-9

May you know God's love as He takes you through the changes of life.
In Christ,
Dawn and Mark

Piercings and Patience

Last Thursday night we had Open House at school. We got home late and still needed to help the girls study for a big history test they were to have the next day. We told them to go take their showers quickly so we could study. They were in the bathroom for a long time. We kept knocking on the door and asking them to hurry. They said, "Okay, okay, we almost done." When they finally came out they proudly came and pointed to their ears and said, "Lookee! We poke our ears!" They had both given themselves additional earring holes (high on the cartilage) using perfume as an antiseptic and an earring as a piercing tool. I-YEEE! It was almost 10:00 and we hadn't studied for the test.

Mark and I both just looked at each other and we knew we didn't want to go to battle at that moment. It was late and we were tired. We scolded them for not telling us what they were doing, and for doing something they shouldn't have been doing instead of hurrying to get ready as we had asked. We just told them "NO MORE HOLES! Don't ever do that again!" They assured us they didn't want anymore and they would never do it again. We explained about infections and keeping their ears clean, etc., etc., etc. They seemed to understand, so we left it at that, and went on to studying for the test.

The drama occurred the next day at school. Apparently some of the girls in the 5th grade noticed Zhanna and Ella's new earrings and took great interest in how and when it was done. Zhanna and Ella told the other girls that they did it themselves, and explained the process. They told the girls that girls at the orphanage did it all the time. One of the girls in the group was mesmerized by that idea. When the class went to the park at recess this girl came to Zhanna and insistently asked her if Zhanna would pierce her ears for her. At first Zhanna refused. However, after much persuasion and assurance that it would be okay and no one would get in trouble, Zhanna complied with the request. After the deed was done the pierced girl (B) convinced another friend to allow her to pierce her ears, as well. B had become more brazen and confident about the process by this time, and insisted that another friend have her ears pierced, as well, to the point of holding her down, sitting on her arms and covering her mouth, all the while trying to poke the earring into her earlobe. It didn't succeed, but the attempt was made. All these girls went back to class after recess as if nothing had happened.

After school, I asked the girls how their day had gone. They proceeded to tell me the whole sordid story, as if it were the most normal occurrence in the world. I asked and then asked again, "You did what? To who? How?!" Then I said, "Girls! You can't do things like that here like you did at the orphanage! These girls have mothers! Their mothers will be mad!" I told them I had to talk to their teacher and to the principal about what had happened. By the look on the girls' faces I could tell that they had no idea that there would be anything wrong with what had been done. They looked frightened and surprised.

I went and shared the tale. Their teacher had gotten wind of some "girl stuff" going on, but had no idea about what had happened. The principal was supportive of me, but suggested I call the other mothers and let them know what had happened. (At this point I only knew of Zhanna's part and was feeling incredibly responsible and guilty). It was a difficult task to call the other moms. I prayed first and tried to be as patient and gentle as I could. I apologized and explained that I felt my girls are good girls and didn't mean to do anything wrong. They had seen and done things like this at the orphanage many times and didn't understand that it was not the wisest thing thing to do. I explained that they are still learning about the difference between the culture of a family, vs. the culture of an orphanage. B's mother didn't react too well. I knew we were not done with the matter.

Sure enough, on Monday, B's mom met me in the hallway as I was going to my classroom. I asked how they were doing and apologized again. I again tried to explain that the girls were just learning and I appreciated how the other girls had been trying to be such good friends. The mother was cool toward me and told me icily, "Well, that friendship can no longer continue. My daughter is too easily influenced." What can you say to that? I said, "Okay. I'm sorry," and walked away.

Later in the morning the principal and assistant principal met with all the girls in the 5th grade. They shared what they knew and lectured on sanitary practices and making good choices. Then they asked the girls to share what they knew about the situation or had seen. Everything came out. It became evident that Zhanna was talked into the original piercing and that B had been manipulative and had bullied the other girls into complying to her desire that everyone have holes in their ears! The decision was made that the four girls most involved would spend lunch detention in the Principal's office for one week, writing out letters to their parents and paragraphs about making wise choices. In addition, B would have a week of in-house suspension (meaning she stays in the Principal's office not only at lunch, but all day long, and does all her schoolwork there, rather than in the regular classroom).

The result of all these choices gave Mark and me some leverage to sit down with the girls at home as well, and have a family meeting about everything that had occurred. We began with a prayer, and then talked to the girls about the influence they are having on the other girls and the responsibility that comes with that. We asked them what they had learned from all of this. They were able to tell us quite clearly what they had learned, especially Ella. She said, "I glad I no do this poke somebody's ears!" We were able to talk to them about choices always leading to consequences. Then we said that we were going to ask them to do something that they probably wouldn't like. We said we were going to ask them to remove the earrings they had poked themselves the night before all this drama happened. We wanted them to let those holes close up. We assured them that it wasn't the earrings that we were against, but the fact that they had done that without asking and that all these consequences had come from that choice. They were never to pierce their own ears again, but in a year or two, if they still wanted their ears pierced and we talked about it as a family and thought it was a good idea, then we would take them to a place where it would be sanitary and clean.

Ella complied with our request readily. She was a bit quiet and sad, but did what we asked. Zhanna, on the other hand, was mad, and sulked. She stomped into her room and took out the earring and then got in her bed as if she was refusing to come out and talk anymore. We had to remind her that she was making choices again, and consequences would come from those choices, too, if she didn't decide to come back out and finish our conversation. She finally and reluctantly agreed, and we were able to finish with another prayer. She sulked through dinner, but then seemed to feel better and the rest of the evening went well. At bedtime she even made a little comment about, "Mom, no earring!" I reminded her that maybe in a year or two she could get them pierced again if she still wanted to. "A year!" she said. But that was all. Thankfully, that was that.

So, Zhanna has lunch detention this week. Both girls have healing holes in their ears, and we have survived a minor calamity. But God is good, and has seen us through. God gives us everything we continue to need. That's how we know this journey is all from Him. And on a last side note: that history test we had to study for after the girls pierced their ears at home? Zhanna got a 92 and Ella got the only 100 in the class! It was a 5 page test! We are so proud of both of our little "Holey" or "Holy" girls.

God is good! He loves us all the time, and we love Him.
Love,
Dawn and Mark

Getting on a Routine. . . With Guinea Pigs!

Finally . . . after 2 months in America, we are finally beginning to get into a regular routine. Going to school helps a lot. The girls must get up at 6:00am (they are not morning people, so this time is a little painful). They must be in bed with lights out no later than 10:00 (this is also hard because they are bouncing every evening and finding every excuse possible to get out of bed and delay the process - much like preschoolers). But, thankfully, it's happening!!

The girls showed noticeable improvement in attitude and helpfulness this past week, as well as strong determination to do well in their schoolwork. So, they earned a very big reward. They had been asking us all summer if they could get a guinea pig. We told them we would wait and see how things went, and see if they earned the privilege of having this kind of pet. Well, after the demonstration of great attitude, work ethic and helpfulness, the time was right this weekend. On Saturday we bought 2 guinea pigs, a large cage, bedding, a guinea pig house, food, water bottle, and food dish. That all set us back a pretty penny, but the response and reaction of the girls has been priceless.

Zhanna named her guinea pig "Poopsik." That means something like "baby" in Russian. Ella named hers "Bob." Just plain, old "Bob." They love their babies, and worry and fuss over them. They enjoy nothing better than to watch a movie in the living room and hold their babies all wrapped up on their laps. Ella frets over Bob because she says he sneezes and acts sick (we have never heard him sneeze). She asked her dad if guinea pigs get headaches. She doesn't want her baby to suffer in any way. They are both very loving and attentive "mommies." They love animals, anyway, and to have the responsibility for the total care and feeding of their own pet is a good lesson in empathy. They are developing a gentleness through caring for these guinea pigs. We're enjoying watching their loving natures come forth.

School continues to go well. It is quite challenging, but the girls are "hanging tough" and rising to all that is expected of them. There is a lot to do, but they seem determined to do their best and to make good grades. Last week they were to have a health test on Thursday. I studied with them until about 9:30 on Wednesday night, when Ella hit the wall. She put her head down on her arms and wouldn't even talk to us. We told her to go on to bed. She went into the bedroom, got in her bed with her clothes on and covered her head with the blankets. She wouldn't budge or even respond to us. Zhanna got her pajamas on and went to bed, as well. We tried to reassure them that they were working hard, and not to worry. Just do their best. Their teacher and everyone else would understand. We kissed them both goodnight, and turned out the lights.

After about 10 minutes Mark and I noticed the light was on again in their bedroom. We went in to find the girls quizzing each other on the health test material. Bless their hearts! The material was challenging for them - all about the circulatory sytem. Words like "plasma", "capillaries", "varicose veins", "ventical", "atrium", "aorta", etc., etc. In addition, they had to label the parts of the heart, and be able to match the description of the parts of the heart with its function. It would be a challenging test if you had known English your entire life, but to have to learn how to say many new and extremely difficult words, as well as understanding their meanings is like an extreme sport or competition. But both girls persevered.

Mark and I worked with them about another hour. They finally felt satisfied and were able to sleep. They next morning they woke up early and got ready and wanted us to quiz them again. They took the test at school that day and both got an "A." We were so proud of them!

Yes, we are all working hard through the week, but thankfully, the weekends have been restful. We were able to sleep in on Saturday and rest on Sunday. The girls actually spent the afternoon with some of the young people from church, eating pizza, and playing "guitar hero" on the Wii. They had a good time, and Mark and I got a little break. It was good for all of us.

God is so good, and we are well aware that He is at work in the hearts and minds of our beautiful daughters. He is at work in our hearts and minds, too. We are learning and stretching and growing. We praise Him for all things . . . especially sleep!

God's blessings,
Dawn and Mark

We Survived the First Week of School!

Today marks the 2 month anniversary of our homecoming. It's hard to believe so much has happened in the last two months. Zhanna and Ella have learned so much English in that time frame. They now understand nearly everything that people are saying. It is a little harder for them to always find the English words to describe things to other people, but they are growing more confident in that, as well. It is exciting to witness their progress!

We all started school last Monday. The girls were very nervous about it. Zhanna was extremely nervous about how the other kids would view her. She understands full well that she is quite a bit older than all the other kids in the 5th grade. She worries so much about what people think about her. It doesn't seem to matter so much to Ella. She's just a kid at heart, and she doesn't really care what other people think.

But Monday came, and we all jumped in. The first few days were very difficult for all of us. The girls were exhausted by the end of the day. I'm sure the mental and emotional effort they expended was incredible. It takes tremendous amounts of energy to listen carefully to everything in a foreign language and then try to absorb much new information, while at the same time, meeting many new people and tryig to remember names, especially when you feel as if everyone is watching you! Whew! It makes me tired just thinking about it! They worked hard every day, and then we had about 2 hours of homework to do each night, even with a modified schedule for them. For them to do their homework, it requires someone to sit with them through it all and help them with all the comprehension in every subject, even math word problems. We also have to have them read aloud to us and work on multiplication flash cards every night. We also practice a Bible memory verse with them each night for an oral quiz they have on Friday. Needless to say, Mark and I are feeling as tired and overwhelmed as the girls are!

However, by the end of the week, things were getting better. Zhanna and Ella were learning that if they work faster we can get through it better and have more time for fun stuff. They were also relaxing more and understanding that everyone wants to help them, and no one is judging them. By the end of the week they both said, "We like school. It's good school. Better than at Internat (Orphanage). People are nice."

So, it's good. We're feeling like we are on the fastrack, but life is good. We tell the girls daily that we love them and we chose them to be our daughters because God put us together. We tell them that we are so happy they are ours, and that we will love them forever. We feel that our reassurances are beginning to sink in. The girls seem happy and comfortable with us. They seem to feel that they can trust us now.

In the adoption world there is a saying, "Adopting one child won't change the world, but for that child, the world will change." Zhanna and Ella's world has changed, and will continue to change as time goes on. Mark and I feel humbled to know that God put this responsibility into our hands. It is a challenging, but awesome idea to feel that we are the tools God is using to bring these girls to know Him and to enjoy life eternally in His kingdom. We see more and more each day that the girls' hearts are soft toward God and they are open to receive His word. We can't wait to see what God will do with them!

Until next time,
Blessings and Peace,
Dawn and Mark

Daddy Daycare, Food Choices, and Education

I've added some pics from the summer of Zhanna and Ella and Nathan and Annie. It has been a fun one. We see Zhanna and Ella transforming before our eyes. They seem to be learning new things everyday. Each day brings new awakenings and greater understanding of this new world into which they have entered. They were asked yesterday if they missed Ukraine, and they said, "No." I think they are finally settling and feeling like this is home and they now have a forever family. The extreme emotional responses we had a few weeks ago have lessened. They seem more able to cope and to peacefully take each day as it comes.

We celebrated an anniversary this weekend. One year ago, on August 1, we left Camp Yestrebok in the Ukrainian area of Svetagorsk. We had to say good-bye to Zhanna and Ella with tears streaming down our faces. We made a promise to them that we would do everything we could to come back and adopt them. I'm not sure they believed it, and Mark and I wondered about what the future would hold. It felt as if we were stepping into a black hole of an unknown destination. But God is a big God, and a year later, here we are! A family! We all remembered and spent time praising God this weekend for what He has done to bring us together.

A huge breakthrough came this week between Mark and the girls. He determined that he just needed to spend one-on-one time with them alone, apart from me and Annie. On Friday the girls and Mark went to Babushka's house to make and decorate cupcakes. They had a blast, and came home with the fanciest cupcakes ever - decorated like flowers, and dogs, and bears, etc. Beautiful and delicious! On Saturday, Annie and I attended a wedding in the morning, so Mark stayed with the girls. When we arrived home, we found Dad and Zhanna and Ella sitting on the living room floor having a "Teddy Bear Tea Party". It was the sweetest thing! Mark had pulled out some of Annie's old doll accessories and toys that I had put away for sentimental reasons. The girls were amazed that we had so much! They kept saying, "Wow!" They loved the doll cradle and the big Fisher Price doll house, etc. They were playing as if they were little girls - about half their age. But they never had toys like this before. They are experiencing things they were never able to enjoy as little children. It is precious. They have also come to see Mark as a pretty good playmate, rather than an extra appendage in our home. They have turned the corner and are beginning to call him "Dad." Praise God for all these blessings.

There are many things the girls are catching up on. Sleep is one of those things. I'm sure the energy they are expending everyday to learn English and take in all the new experiences is exhausting. They want to sleep a lot in the mornings, and when we wake them up they have a hard time thinking in English. They seem to think in Russian in the morning, but adjust to English as the day wears on. They are slow to warm up in the mornings, but have a hard time settling down and going to sleep at night. At night we have to push to get them in the shower and to gather for prayers and Bible reading. Then they want me to read them a book, and sometimes they have many questions and want to talk. It is rare when we get to bed before 11:00. We'll have to work hard next week to have an earlier bedtime and earlier wake-up time so they'll be ready for school when it begins on August 17.

They have also been eating a lot! They seem to want a lot of protein. I'm sure their bodies need to catch up a lot. But some of their food choices make us cringe. They seem to adjust to one new food at a time, and then they want to eat that food over and over and over. For the past few days it has been hard boiled eggs. At first they wouldn't eat one, because it was cold. But then they decided they liked them, and now want them all the time. On Saturday, Zhanna had two hard-boiled eggs for breakfast, then four more for lunch, along with 4 hot dogs! She wanted to eat a raw onion with that! Blech! One day Ella ate 4 bananas at one time, after macaroni and cheese and watermelon. I keep thinking they will have stomachaches from the excesses of their food choices, but so far, so good. I guess they must need what they are craving. They are filling out a little, but they could stand to put on a little more weight. They are both thin. So, for now, whatever they want to eat is usually okay. We are trying to introduce them to more salad and vegetables. They love cucumbers and tomatoes, but are slow to warm up to lettuce and other food with texture and flavor that is unfamiliar to them. They won't eat any kind of cereal yet, although we have tried waffles, and they like those. Their tastes seem to run to simple "kid foods" right now. It's all a process.

We're preparing for the girls to attend Albuquerque Christian School where I teach. I'm so incredibly grateful to the school board and administration for their willingness to take this on. We have been a school focused on an advanced curriculum and a college prep focus - even though we only go through grade 8. We have never had an other ESL students attending the school. But because I work there, and because of the commitment to share Christ with those who don't know Him, the school has agreed the girls should attend ACS. I'm so excited and pleased. I had a hard time thinking about putting the girls in a public middle school, even with an ESL program. Throwing them into public school at ages 12 and 13, and having them exposed to all the attitudes and junk that is out there did not feel right at all to me or to Mark. They will both be in the 5th grade this first year, as they work on English and catch up in math and other areas. They will have a specialized program catered just to them. They will be with the middle school kids part of the time for devotionals, enrichment classes, etc., and will have individualized help in English and math. We're also looking for a Russian speaking person to serve as a translator a couple of hours a day to help with the harder comprehension issues needed in reading textbooks, etc. At the Christian School Zhanna and Ella will participate in a Bible class everyday, which they need more than anything. They will be surrounded by people who care about them and are kind to them and are demonstrating the love of God. They will hopefully make friends with kids who can show them that the latest and greatest toys and games and clothes and activities aren't nearly as important as the kind of person you are on the inside and how you treat others. They will hopefully see that God has created them to be a uniquely special person in His kingdom, and that they are valuable and loved. These ideas are all so foreign to the girls - as foreign as the new language. The Soviet mentality is all about obedience to the State, and that the individual is not important - the collective is what is important. They have been basically taught that they are not important. They have been taught to fear authority rather than to respond to loving direction and understand that obedience is done out of love, not out of fear. I'm excited to see how God will use all this in their lives and what changes are ahead for the girls.

Right now we're still working on getting them to feel comfortable enough around new people to be able to talk and not feel embarrassed or unsure of themselves. They have not learned the art of simple conversation around people they don't know well. The language issue is a part of that, but yesterday we were invited to a birthday party for the son of a friend of mine who is from Russia. There was also another woman there from Ukraine who spoke to the girls. They would hardly speak to either of the women, so that helped me to understand that it is not all about the language. It is simply a skill they have not been taught. We will have to keep working on it. I think they will begin to feel much more connected to people when they have a voice and can share.

Aren't we blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father who cares so much about us that He created us to be creative individuals with a voice? He has given us equality and freedom! He has offered us love and grace. He is not the condemning rule-oriented god that so many think of Him as. He only longs for relationship with us. He wants us to come to Him with open arms and open hearts, knowing that we were created as unique individuals and He has equipped each one of us uniquely. I know when Zhanna and Ella come to understand that better they will have a greater sense of confidence and self-worth. I long to remember these ideas every day of my own life, too. But I often forget. When I remember that my worth is found in Jesus and because of Jesus, and not in anything I do, and that God made me who I am to freely live for Him, it takes a lot of pressure off of me. I don't worry so much about what others think. I'm free to live and breathe and create and laugh and serve, without all the baggage that comes with fear and insecurity. Praise God for freedom! I pray that Zhanna and Ella come to know freedom in Christ!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and encouragement in this faith journey. God is good and equips us everyday for what that day brings.
Much love,
Dawn and Mark

Emergency Room

We've been home in America one month and we've made our first trip to the E.R. I hope we won't be making any more anytime soon.

Last night, after church, Zhanna and Ella got on their bicycles and began riding around the parking lot, as they have enjoyed doing for several weeks now. For not having much experience with bicycles before, they have become very daring in the past week or so. They are riding faster and faster and attempting tricks, such as "no hands," etc. On Saturday night, Zhanna had a fall and came in with skinned knees and elbows. We doctored her up and patched her adequately, and she was fine. But last night, Ella took a nose dive and landed squarely on her knees. Her left knee took the brunt of it and she received a deep gash directly over the joint. Mark and I both looked at it, after cleaning it up, and decided we'd better take her to the E.R. for stitches. Ella did not like that idea. "No! I no wanna! Mom, it's fine! In Ukrainia I have many. Kids have many!" We finally got her to consent by telling her that if we didn't take her to the doctor, Mark would have to carry her around until her knee healed. She said, "Okay, I go to doctor!"

We arrived in the emergency room at 9:00pm to find a large crowd of people with various ailments who were there before us. It was busy in the E.R. last night. It was midnight before we were called back to a room, and after x-rays and cleaning and numbing and poking and stitching, it was almost 3:00am when we arrived home. They put Ella in a knee immobilizer so the stitches won't pop out if she bends her knee. They also gave her crutches. She felt sufficiently doctored, and was exhausted and ready to sleep. Both girls went to bed immediately and slept until 1:30 this afternoon. Ella said she woke up in the night with pain and she cried and couldn't sleep. I told her I wish she had called for me or come to get me, but she's so used to taking care of herself, I'm sure she didn't even think about it. After they woke up and ate, they spent time rebandaging all their wounds. No bicycles for awhile! They decided watching a DVD would be a safer option today!

We had another form of emergency a week ago. It was not a physical emergency, but an emotional one. Last Monday we had had a good day as a family, but Nathan had left to go back to Texas that morning. We were all missing him. Maybe Ella picked up on that, and it brought back feelings of abandonment or loss. I don't know what set it off, but it was a difficult time. In the evening we watched a movie together, and when it was over I asked Ella to go take her shower and Zhanna to go clean their closet. Zhanna went right in to do as I asked, but Ella had a meltdown. She plopped down on the floor and shook her hair over her face and refused to budge. I tried to lightly say, "Come on, Ella, time to take your shower! Go and get it done, please!" No cooperation. Annie came in and gently picked her up by the arms and said, "Ella, come on, go take your shower!" Ella finally went to the bedroom and into the closet where Zhanna was cleaning. Pretty soon I heard them arguing in Russian. I went in and asked, "Girls! What's the matter? Tell me what's going on!" Zhanna said, "It's Ella." I looked at Ella and she had fire in her eyes! She was behind her hanging clothes and said, "It's Zhanna!" Then she shouted in Russian and yanked her hanging clothes off the rod and threw them to the ground. I went to her and held her by the arms and said, "No, Ella. This is not the way to deal with this. Tell me what you are feeling. Why are you doing this?" She said, "I no wanna talk to you!!!!" We had been this route before where both girls shut down and crawled inside of themselves to deal with their feelings. That happened once, and it turned out okay, but I knew I didn't want that behavior to become habitual. I held to her arms and said, "Ella, we need to talk about what you are feeling. I'm not going to let you act this way! Come sit on the bed and talk to me!" That brought out a raging animal within her that I had not seen before. She was flailing her arms and shouting, "NO!" Finally, I gave her one swap on the bottom and told her I wasn't going to let her act this way. She turned and looked at me like I had severely beaten her. She was mad! But she did go sit on her bed, although she went back into the hair over the face, arms crossed, leave me alone mode.

By that time Mark had come in. I talked to Ella and told her I was sorry I had spanked her, but I wanted to get her attention. I want her to know that she can talk to us and we will listen. I kept talking, but Ella began to angrily respond, "No, you not my mother. This not my family. I don't want live here. I don't like it here. I want go back to Ukrainia," etc., etc., etc. I know I began praying about that time, and Mark said he did, too. The Holy Spirit gave us the words to say to Ella. When she said she wanted to go back to her other family, I told her as gently as I could that her birth mom and dad had made some bad choices. Those choices were choices that caused Ella and Zhanna to have to live at the orphanage (Internat). I told Ella I was sorry that had happened to her and that her parents had made those choices. It would have been the best thing if her parents had loved them and cared for them and made choices to be good parents, but they didn't. But I told her we were her parents now and we loved her and we always would. We would never leave her or hurt her. Mark told her that we are her "real" family now. He told her that we love her and we will never send her back. We might go back for a visit, but we won't send her back to live, because this is her home and family now. We both told her that we didn't like how she was acting just then, but we would always love her, no matter what. Then Mark said, "So now, Ella, you have a choice. We want you to take your shower. If you do, everything will be fine. But if you don't, then you'll go to bed and tomorrow you will have a punishment because you've acted this way and you didn't obey your mom when she asked you to do something." We both told her we loved her once again, and then we left the room. Pretty soon, we heard her go into the bathroom and heard the shower running. Later she found me in the office working on the computer, and with tears streaming down her face, she said, "I'm sorry, Mom." I said, "I'm sorry, too, Ella." Then with wet hair and in her pajamas, she sat on my lap, and we both rocked back and forth and cried together for a long time. It was a breakthrough moment that only God could provide, I was sure of it. Thank you, Jesus, for hearing our prayers and working your way into a little child's grief-stricken and hardened heart until you found the soft spot.

We may have more such occasions. The girls continue to share more and more bits and pieces with us about their early upbringing, if you can call it that. It is horrendous and unimaginable that little children would have to experience as much as they had to experience. We will continue to tell them we will always love them and that they are our daughters and we will never leave them or hurt them. We won't send them back.

God does the same for us. Our broken hearts cry out much too often, "No! I want to go back to the way I was! I don't want your love, it requires too much of me!" But our Heavenly Father simply says, "Be still, my child. I love you enough to keep loving you - more and more and more and more. I will never leave you or forsake you. I love you enough to want you to grow, until you can rest in my love for you and see the goodness of it. I will love you until you know without a doubt that I am your real Father, and I have your best interest at heart. I am the only One who can take away your hurts and your pain. Trust me."

On a day to day basis, Mark and I are feeling pretty tired much of the time now. We are being stretched, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, in time and in energy. But we have chosen to trust God in this journey. We know, without a doubt, that He has a plan for Zhanna and Ella, and He has a plan for us. We will rely on Him.

May your days be free of emergencies, and may you grow in your relationship with your Father.
Love,
Dawn and Mark

New, New, New - All Things New!

Three weeks! Things continue to get better. The girls know now that when I ask them to do something, I mean business. They may still try to put up a little fuss, but I simply say, "No whining, let's just get this done," and they comply. They are calling me Mom most of the time now. I love that! My heart thumps a little harder when they say the word.

With Mark the relationship building has been a little tougher. He has tried so hard to build a relationship through fun and teasing. They initially responded to that, but after a time they shut down to that approach. Mark is having to start over using a different approach. It's not easy for him. I think the girls simply are not used to having a man around as a caregiver and part of the family. They had all female caregivers, and most of their teachers and the orphanage staff were female. They aren't used to having a dad, especially not one who teases and jokes and wrestles with the kids, as Mark did with our older two. It requires a little more subtle and gentle approach, and Mark is trying to revamp his style to the best of his ability. He has decided to pull back and use different methods. So far, so good.

So many new experiences! We went to the zoo, and Zhanna and Ella loved the animals. We took the tram ride up to the top of the mountain, and hiked there. They enjoyed the forest, but I think we wore them out. We went to our Christian camp on Thursday night to see friends and teenagers who are there this week. At first it was intimidating to the girls to meet so many people who know of them, but by the end of the evening they said they liked camp very much. They said it was much different than camp in Ukraine. We went to a wedding last night. It was the first time the girls had ever been to a wedding. They loved it! They were fascinated by the beautiful bride (Sara) in her lovely, white gown, and watched the groom (Zach) intently as he danced with her. The girls really enjoyed the reception dinner and had fun dancing later, after a little coaxing. Then we couldn't get them to leave! It was a great experience for them.

We had special outdoor family pictures made last week, and got the proofs back by internet today. They enjoyed looking at themselves and the family and helping to decide which pose is the best of all of us. I think seeing those pictures has helped the girls to see themselves as real members of this family.

They are also growing in their knowledge of the Lord. We bought them Russian/English Bibles which arrived earlier this week. They wanted to go buy Bible covers right away. We also bought tabs for their Bibles, and they started to place those in their Bibles with Nathan and Annie's help, but finished all by themselves. They have been reading their Bibles enthusiastically on their own. Ella has been reading in the book of Mark about Jesus, and Zhanna has been reading from Exodus about Moses leading the people out of slavery. Good stuff!

Our family listens to Christian music on K-Love whenever we get into the car together. Zhanna and Ella have picked up on this right away, and now whenever we get ready to go someplace they say, "Dad, music, please!" They are learning the words to Christian songs and their favorites are "In the Hands of God" by the Newsboys, "God, You Reign" by Lincoln Brewster, and "Revelation Song (Holy, Holy, Holy)" by Philips, Craig and Dean. What a joy to hear them singing about Jesus in the backseat.

I think the song "In the Hands of God" has become our family's theme song in this entire endeavor. God has carried us for the past months of active pursuit of the girls, and the words of this song continue to carry us now as we place our girls in God's hands within our family.

"In the hands of God, we will fall.
Rest for the restless, and the weary, hope for the sinner.
In the hands of God, we stand tall.
Hands that are mighty to deliver, giving us freedom.
YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU'RE AMAZING, YOU ARE!
AND WE PRAISE YOU, LORD, FOR WHAT YOUR HANDS HAVE DONE!
YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU'RE AMAZING, YOU ARE!

We continue to be amazed by God and what He is doing in our lives.
Love to all,
Dawn and Mark