Year of Miracles, Year of Change

It is January 1, 2010. Hard to believe! 10 years ago we were all anticipating the grand celebrations of the new millennium and apprehensively wondering about the possible affects of the "Y2K bug." We had no earthly idea that halfway around the world, in Ukraine, there lived 2 little girls, ages 2 and 3 at the time, who were destined to be removed from their birth parents at ages 8 and 9, and eventually weave their way into our hearts and home. If God had told us then what was to come we probably wouldn't have believed, and, chances are, we would have done all in our power to prevent what we would have perceived at the time as only hardship and challenge.

But God is SO wise! He knows he can't reveal too much to His children before He chooses to grow them and gift them. God does His best work unpredictably. It's as if it all happens so fast it makes your head spin, and as you are still reeling from the aftereffects, you realize you have just gone through one of the most difficult things you've ever experienced ~ but, you've been blessed beyond measure.

So it has been with us and adopting our two girls from Ukraine. Wow, what challenges there were and continue to be! But the realization of blessing comes tiptoeing quietly, when we least expect it. Days are hard sometimes, but life is good.

Adopting is not for sissies, don't misunderstand. Especially adopting TWO preteen girls from a foreign culture and speaking a different language. (What were we thinking? Oh, yeah, right, it wasn't our plan, but God's plan! My head is spinning!) But adoption grows and changes you and brings love to you that is undescribable.

Christmas this year was an example of what I'm talking about. We've been home with the girls now 6 months. They seem to feel fully at home and part of the family. But there are continual new experiences. Decorating the house and Christmas year, for instance. Normally that job takes me about a week - working about 2 hours every evening. Not anymore! Now there are Santa's elves living in my home! They were so excited about the decorations and oohed and aahed and exclaimed over all of our 20-year-old stuff! They managed to flit here and there and everywhere and got the tree and the whole house decorated in two evenings! Then, shopping and wrapping presents was even better. The girls delighted in trying to peak at their gifts under the tree, and we had to engage in covert operations to try to prevent that (such as stapling the tops of the giftbags shut!) On Christmas day both Zhanna and Ella seemed relaxed and happy and grateful for presents and good food and family. We all felt blessed. Yet, within a couple of days after Christmas we had to deal, once again, with preteen attitudes and desires. That's where we grow, however. We want the girls to understand that we don't want to bless them just on Christmas day, but every day of the year, as we teach them what family is all about and what God wants for their lives. That's the real gift.

The honeymoon period is over between us and the girls. That is good, even though it is harder. But it is real. We deal with everything now with either firm kindness, or kind firmness, whichever seems appropriate for the situation! We now realize you can take the child away from their country, but you can't take their country away from the child. They don't become Americans overnight. They still need the connection to where they've come from. They need to talk about their culture, and need to keep in contact with friends and people they know. They need to continue to speak their original language. They need to feel that their birth country is very special and appreciated. They need to be reassured that their feelings are always acceptable, but sometimes their actions are not. They need to know that we will always be their family, no matter what may come, but that there are expectations for them involved in that.

Sometimes those expectations are hard for them to understand - no one ever has real, long-term expections for orphans. They don't always understand why we have to think ahead, while also remembering the past. They don't understand why we continually work on our behaviour toward other people. They don't understand how to prepare for the future. These are new concepts for our girls. They have never had to watch the clock and think about time. They have never had experience with money and how to use it wisely. They've never learned how to lovingly obedient and cheerfully helpful. Up to this point their days were consistently routine and dull, so overstimulation is overwhelming. But they also have no idea how to monitor their own physical needs or make good choices for eating and sleeping. Instead, they want to eat what ever tastes good to them and then ONLY eat that (ramen noodles for nearly every meal for almost 2 months), and they never want to go to bed at a decent time, but they never want to get up on time, either. Our job, as parents, is to teach them balance, and discretion, and control and sometimes, to protect them from themselves and the learned behaviors and attitudes that have come with them. We must teach them and show them a more excellent way. We prayerfully want that to be God's way.

So, we look back to 2009 - a year of miracles and a year of change. Beautiful and blessed year. Now we look ahead to 2010. Challenges are ahead, we have no doubt. But so are blessings. God is good and He will lead us and our children every step of the way.

Love,
Dawn and Mark