Summer Blues

What a wild and full summer it has been! We started by going to the Isotopes Baseball game in which Ella got to throw out the first pitch because of winning an art contest and having her picture selected for the annual Isotopes calendar. About 100 people from church and school joined us and it was a great evening culminating in a fantastic fireworks show. Wow!



A week later, Mark and I and the three girls flew to Washington D.C. to attend National History Day at the University of Maryland. Thirteen of my students competed at the National Level this year, and one of my students took 2nd place in the nation for Individual Performance. I'm the proud teacher!



While in the D.C. area we did a lot of sightseeing and also had the opportunity to travel to Annapolis and to Philadelphia. So much U.S. history! I think we stuffed as much of it as we could into Zhanna and Ella's heads. I know they don't understand everything, but hopefully they will remember that we've been there and it will make more sense to them when they study it in school.



After a week in Maryland we rented a car and drove to Indianapolis to visit relatives there for a few days. We had a great time with my stepmom and her husband and my brother and his family. The girls met new cousins and other family members. We then went to Cinncinati for a day and a half, and were able to visit the Creation Museum and go to King's Island Amusement Park. We all love roller coasters and it was fun. After that we drove to Lexington, Ky. to stay with Mark's brother. Mark's parents had already arrived there after driving with Nathan, and Mark's other brothers and families came, too for a family reunion and celebration of Mom and Dad's 60th anniversary. The gathering was fun and special! Zhanna and Ella loved the time there and had fun with more cousins. They weren't able to verbalize much about it, other than to say they really had fun, but that was enough. I think they are still just trying to take it all in, but I think they are amazed by how large the extended family is. The idea of even having a nuclear family is so new to them, that extended family must seem like a real mystery.



We left Lexington after several days and spent the next night in St. Louis. We were able to go up in the Gateway to the West Arch and experience more history there. Finally we spent two nights in Oklahoma City with my sister and family (and time with additional cousins!), and then got back home on June 1. What a delightfully blessed vacation! We are so thankful we were able to take this road trip with the girls this year. We all experienced so much of America and the togetherness was great (and very real, as it is with most families!).



In thinking about all this travel I came across a quote from Mark Twain that goes like this, " Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime." I believe this to be true, and want to give as many travel experiences as I can to my children. I think it helps them to grow in ways that merely reading about a place or seeing it on TV could never do.

Zhanna and Ella, especially, need experiences like travel in order to broaden their horizons. I think they grew from the trip and they did express that they were glad to be home. That made us feel good and helped us to know that they, indeed, think of it as their home and a place they belong.

While things are progressing well in so many ways with the girls, some things are getting more difficult. For one thing, they both are chin-deep into teenage attitude now. Zhanna, being the older of the two, seemed to exhibit it all last year. Ella just turned 13 on July 4, after we arrived back home. Her attitude has been brewing for some time, but 13 seems to be the "magic age" when it kicks in full force. Mark and I have raised teenagers before and have worked with teenagers practically our whole lives, but I don't think we were prepared for the force in which the girls have entered their teens and are assuming all the attributes of the "typical American teenage girl."

For instance, we had heard from another family who adopted kids from Ukraine that their kids seemed extremely grateful. Zhanna and Ella don't seem to understand how to show or express real gratitude. They are learning, because we stress the issue, but it does not come naturally. Instead, they seem to take for granted everything we buy for them or do for them and hint often that they want something different or better or more. That is a hard thing for us to deal with because we had worked hard with our older two children to be grateful and satisfied with what they were given. By the time they were teens they knew full well they better not complain, and to express thankfulness for any gift or act of service they were given.

Also, Zhanna and Ella have become fully enamored with technology and media. They love the computer and Facebook, and saved up their birthday money to buy Ipods, which they are consumed with at the moment. They are also extremely aware of fashion and hair and makeup. They seem to struggle a lot with concern about their looks and worry about what people think of them. Zhanna, especially, seems to struggle with insecurity, but masks it with obsession about her appearance. She sometimes comes across to others as "stuck up," but inside she just feels incredibly shy and unsure of herself. Ella deals with her own insecurities by withdrawing. She closes in and holds a lot of her feelings deep inside. She seems to need more sleep than Zhanna and seems to take longer to formulate feelings, but once they are formed they go deep. She hasn't figured out how to talk about her feelings or express much at all. In the mornings it's impossible to even get her to talk, let alone smile or be concerned about someone else.

Whew! This is hard! Harder than I think we anticipated, but we must admit, it is real. We have to constantly stop and try to analyze where the girls have come from and what they've been through and how they've learned to deal with life. We realize our expectations for them are unlike anything anyone has expected from them in their 13 and 14 years of life. We certainly can't expect changes to occur overnight, when this is all so new to them. In addition, we have the cultural differences and the input of American materialism and then the normal teenage hormonal craziness. It all adds up to the potential for a lot of frustration and weariness.

But then there is prayer. God is so good. He will see us through this and on to the other side. Our goal for the girls is what we assume is God's goal for us: to grow (physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually), and learn to appreciate, and to think about others, and to be at peace with ourselves.

So, when the girls think their parents are now totally "uncool," and won't hardly talk to us, (as they did this past weeked when we took them to church camp and went to visit them another evening, we pretty much have learned to take it in stride. (We want to tell them: "Remember us? The people who spent an anxious year of our lives being turned inside out and upside down with paperwork to be able to adopt you? Remember us? The ones who made two trips to Ukraine and put our lives on hold for weeks to come and get you and make you our own children? Remember us? The people who spent thousands of dollars for you and haven't blinked an eye? Remember? All the other people who have given money and time and other things for you? Remember?) We sometimes maybe feel like shaking them a bit in order for them to see more clearly. We don't do that however. We try with all our might to be patient with them, as our Heavenly Father is patient with us. We love these two girls as best we can, and try to provide everything they need, to the best of our ability. We long for them to love us and to love God and to love others. We must keep firmly and gently showing them a more excellent way. We pray that God will grow them and show them and use them for His glory.

In the meantime, it's a wild ride and we are hanging on. But we are committed and determined. May God keep growing us and showing us and using us for His glory.