Emergency Room

We've been home in America one month and we've made our first trip to the E.R. I hope we won't be making any more anytime soon.

Last night, after church, Zhanna and Ella got on their bicycles and began riding around the parking lot, as they have enjoyed doing for several weeks now. For not having much experience with bicycles before, they have become very daring in the past week or so. They are riding faster and faster and attempting tricks, such as "no hands," etc. On Saturday night, Zhanna had a fall and came in with skinned knees and elbows. We doctored her up and patched her adequately, and she was fine. But last night, Ella took a nose dive and landed squarely on her knees. Her left knee took the brunt of it and she received a deep gash directly over the joint. Mark and I both looked at it, after cleaning it up, and decided we'd better take her to the E.R. for stitches. Ella did not like that idea. "No! I no wanna! Mom, it's fine! In Ukrainia I have many. Kids have many!" We finally got her to consent by telling her that if we didn't take her to the doctor, Mark would have to carry her around until her knee healed. She said, "Okay, I go to doctor!"

We arrived in the emergency room at 9:00pm to find a large crowd of people with various ailments who were there before us. It was busy in the E.R. last night. It was midnight before we were called back to a room, and after x-rays and cleaning and numbing and poking and stitching, it was almost 3:00am when we arrived home. They put Ella in a knee immobilizer so the stitches won't pop out if she bends her knee. They also gave her crutches. She felt sufficiently doctored, and was exhausted and ready to sleep. Both girls went to bed immediately and slept until 1:30 this afternoon. Ella said she woke up in the night with pain and she cried and couldn't sleep. I told her I wish she had called for me or come to get me, but she's so used to taking care of herself, I'm sure she didn't even think about it. After they woke up and ate, they spent time rebandaging all their wounds. No bicycles for awhile! They decided watching a DVD would be a safer option today!

We had another form of emergency a week ago. It was not a physical emergency, but an emotional one. Last Monday we had had a good day as a family, but Nathan had left to go back to Texas that morning. We were all missing him. Maybe Ella picked up on that, and it brought back feelings of abandonment or loss. I don't know what set it off, but it was a difficult time. In the evening we watched a movie together, and when it was over I asked Ella to go take her shower and Zhanna to go clean their closet. Zhanna went right in to do as I asked, but Ella had a meltdown. She plopped down on the floor and shook her hair over her face and refused to budge. I tried to lightly say, "Come on, Ella, time to take your shower! Go and get it done, please!" No cooperation. Annie came in and gently picked her up by the arms and said, "Ella, come on, go take your shower!" Ella finally went to the bedroom and into the closet where Zhanna was cleaning. Pretty soon I heard them arguing in Russian. I went in and asked, "Girls! What's the matter? Tell me what's going on!" Zhanna said, "It's Ella." I looked at Ella and she had fire in her eyes! She was behind her hanging clothes and said, "It's Zhanna!" Then she shouted in Russian and yanked her hanging clothes off the rod and threw them to the ground. I went to her and held her by the arms and said, "No, Ella. This is not the way to deal with this. Tell me what you are feeling. Why are you doing this?" She said, "I no wanna talk to you!!!!" We had been this route before where both girls shut down and crawled inside of themselves to deal with their feelings. That happened once, and it turned out okay, but I knew I didn't want that behavior to become habitual. I held to her arms and said, "Ella, we need to talk about what you are feeling. I'm not going to let you act this way! Come sit on the bed and talk to me!" That brought out a raging animal within her that I had not seen before. She was flailing her arms and shouting, "NO!" Finally, I gave her one swap on the bottom and told her I wasn't going to let her act this way. She turned and looked at me like I had severely beaten her. She was mad! But she did go sit on her bed, although she went back into the hair over the face, arms crossed, leave me alone mode.

By that time Mark had come in. I talked to Ella and told her I was sorry I had spanked her, but I wanted to get her attention. I want her to know that she can talk to us and we will listen. I kept talking, but Ella began to angrily respond, "No, you not my mother. This not my family. I don't want live here. I don't like it here. I want go back to Ukrainia," etc., etc., etc. I know I began praying about that time, and Mark said he did, too. The Holy Spirit gave us the words to say to Ella. When she said she wanted to go back to her other family, I told her as gently as I could that her birth mom and dad had made some bad choices. Those choices were choices that caused Ella and Zhanna to have to live at the orphanage (Internat). I told Ella I was sorry that had happened to her and that her parents had made those choices. It would have been the best thing if her parents had loved them and cared for them and made choices to be good parents, but they didn't. But I told her we were her parents now and we loved her and we always would. We would never leave her or hurt her. Mark told her that we are her "real" family now. He told her that we love her and we will never send her back. We might go back for a visit, but we won't send her back to live, because this is her home and family now. We both told her that we didn't like how she was acting just then, but we would always love her, no matter what. Then Mark said, "So now, Ella, you have a choice. We want you to take your shower. If you do, everything will be fine. But if you don't, then you'll go to bed and tomorrow you will have a punishment because you've acted this way and you didn't obey your mom when she asked you to do something." We both told her we loved her once again, and then we left the room. Pretty soon, we heard her go into the bathroom and heard the shower running. Later she found me in the office working on the computer, and with tears streaming down her face, she said, "I'm sorry, Mom." I said, "I'm sorry, too, Ella." Then with wet hair and in her pajamas, she sat on my lap, and we both rocked back and forth and cried together for a long time. It was a breakthrough moment that only God could provide, I was sure of it. Thank you, Jesus, for hearing our prayers and working your way into a little child's grief-stricken and hardened heart until you found the soft spot.

We may have more such occasions. The girls continue to share more and more bits and pieces with us about their early upbringing, if you can call it that. It is horrendous and unimaginable that little children would have to experience as much as they had to experience. We will continue to tell them we will always love them and that they are our daughters and we will never leave them or hurt them. We won't send them back.

God does the same for us. Our broken hearts cry out much too often, "No! I want to go back to the way I was! I don't want your love, it requires too much of me!" But our Heavenly Father simply says, "Be still, my child. I love you enough to keep loving you - more and more and more and more. I will never leave you or forsake you. I love you enough to want you to grow, until you can rest in my love for you and see the goodness of it. I will love you until you know without a doubt that I am your real Father, and I have your best interest at heart. I am the only One who can take away your hurts and your pain. Trust me."

On a day to day basis, Mark and I are feeling pretty tired much of the time now. We are being stretched, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, in time and in energy. But we have chosen to trust God in this journey. We know, without a doubt, that He has a plan for Zhanna and Ella, and He has a plan for us. We will rely on Him.

May your days be free of emergencies, and may you grow in your relationship with your Father.
Love,
Dawn and Mark

New, New, New - All Things New!

Three weeks! Things continue to get better. The girls know now that when I ask them to do something, I mean business. They may still try to put up a little fuss, but I simply say, "No whining, let's just get this done," and they comply. They are calling me Mom most of the time now. I love that! My heart thumps a little harder when they say the word.

With Mark the relationship building has been a little tougher. He has tried so hard to build a relationship through fun and teasing. They initially responded to that, but after a time they shut down to that approach. Mark is having to start over using a different approach. It's not easy for him. I think the girls simply are not used to having a man around as a caregiver and part of the family. They had all female caregivers, and most of their teachers and the orphanage staff were female. They aren't used to having a dad, especially not one who teases and jokes and wrestles with the kids, as Mark did with our older two. It requires a little more subtle and gentle approach, and Mark is trying to revamp his style to the best of his ability. He has decided to pull back and use different methods. So far, so good.

So many new experiences! We went to the zoo, and Zhanna and Ella loved the animals. We took the tram ride up to the top of the mountain, and hiked there. They enjoyed the forest, but I think we wore them out. We went to our Christian camp on Thursday night to see friends and teenagers who are there this week. At first it was intimidating to the girls to meet so many people who know of them, but by the end of the evening they said they liked camp very much. They said it was much different than camp in Ukraine. We went to a wedding last night. It was the first time the girls had ever been to a wedding. They loved it! They were fascinated by the beautiful bride (Sara) in her lovely, white gown, and watched the groom (Zach) intently as he danced with her. The girls really enjoyed the reception dinner and had fun dancing later, after a little coaxing. Then we couldn't get them to leave! It was a great experience for them.

We had special outdoor family pictures made last week, and got the proofs back by internet today. They enjoyed looking at themselves and the family and helping to decide which pose is the best of all of us. I think seeing those pictures has helped the girls to see themselves as real members of this family.

They are also growing in their knowledge of the Lord. We bought them Russian/English Bibles which arrived earlier this week. They wanted to go buy Bible covers right away. We also bought tabs for their Bibles, and they started to place those in their Bibles with Nathan and Annie's help, but finished all by themselves. They have been reading their Bibles enthusiastically on their own. Ella has been reading in the book of Mark about Jesus, and Zhanna has been reading from Exodus about Moses leading the people out of slavery. Good stuff!

Our family listens to Christian music on K-Love whenever we get into the car together. Zhanna and Ella have picked up on this right away, and now whenever we get ready to go someplace they say, "Dad, music, please!" They are learning the words to Christian songs and their favorites are "In the Hands of God" by the Newsboys, "God, You Reign" by Lincoln Brewster, and "Revelation Song (Holy, Holy, Holy)" by Philips, Craig and Dean. What a joy to hear them singing about Jesus in the backseat.

I think the song "In the Hands of God" has become our family's theme song in this entire endeavor. God has carried us for the past months of active pursuit of the girls, and the words of this song continue to carry us now as we place our girls in God's hands within our family.

"In the hands of God, we will fall.
Rest for the restless, and the weary, hope for the sinner.
In the hands of God, we stand tall.
Hands that are mighty to deliver, giving us freedom.
YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU'RE AMAZING, YOU ARE!
AND WE PRAISE YOU, LORD, FOR WHAT YOUR HANDS HAVE DONE!
YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU'RE AMAZING, YOU ARE!

We continue to be amazed by God and what He is doing in our lives.
Love to all,
Dawn and Mark

New Experiences

Two weeks at home. Yes! We're all getting more settled and comfortable now. The girls each had a rough day or two last week, but things are getting better now. They are learning that there are boundaries to be observed and that money and things don't grow on trees to be given to them whenever they demand. But they also seem more settled, knowing that this is real life now, and we love them very much and will always provide for them.

Let me explain. Last week we began English lessons. Our friend, Mary, brought wonderful books and activities for the girls to work on. Mary is out of town now for two weeks, so we are to be working on English homework everyday. The day after Mary left the homework, the girls got up in the morning, got dressed, had breakfast and made their beds. I then told them, "Okay, girls, now we're going to have our English lesson before you go out to play and ride your bikes." Ella turned on me with an angry face and shouted, "No!" Zhanna was also upset, but I tried to be calm as I explained to both of them that, yes, we needed to do our English lesson everyday, that it wouldn't take long, and then they could play. I coaxed them both to sit down with me and we began. Zhanna did fine, but Ella continued to have a sulky, bad attitude. I tried to correct her and give her 2 or 3 warnings. Finally, I couldn't go on. I told her, "Okay, Ella, if you aren't going to have a good attitude, then you may go back to your room." She walked back to their room and closed the door. I finished the lesson with Zhanna, and then went to check on Ella. I tried to talk with her and reason with her, but she wouldn't look at me or talk to me. So, once again, I told her, "It's your choice, Ella. You can be miserable and stay in your room, or you can come out, do your lesson, be done with it, and then go and play." She wouldn't respond, so I closed the door and left. That was about 11:00 am. She put the covers over her head and went to sleep (which she probably needed). I went back to the room every hour or two throughout the day, but she remained stubborn. At 6:00 pm I went in to find her sitting in the closet in a corner. I said, "Ella, aren't you hungry? Don't you want to come eat?" She nodded her head. I said, "Okay, but we still have to do our English lesson. Do you want to eat first, then do English, or do you want to do our English first and then eat?" She said, "English first!" I was saying a prayer of thanks to God that we won that one! Yes! We had a short, condensed English lesson, then she ate readily!

The interesting thing is, that the next day, Zhanna did the very same thing. It was later in the afternoon - about 4:00 because we had been busy in the morning, but as we started the lesson Zhanna had a nasty attitude and kept saying, "I don't can" (her favorite phrase). I tried coaxing and encouraging, but had to give her several warnings and told her that if she couldn't be nice and at least try, then she'd have to go to her room like Ella had to. After more hesitance and nastiness, she threw her book on the table and said, "I don't can!" I had no choice but to send her to her room. She hesitated, but stomped out (I was thankful she didn't refuse). Then it was her turn to be stubborn and not talk. It was almost as if she was saying, "If you love me like you love Ella, you'll set the rules for me, too." She wouldn't give in, so she missed dinner and stayed in her room all night. But the GREAT thing is, the next morning, both girls readily sat down and participated willingly in their English lesson. Praise God! We broke some ground!

Since then things have been getting somewhat easier. Zhanna still balks at new experiences, especially when she feels that people will judge her or think she's foolish. We were invited to go swimming at a swimming pool with Donna and her daughter, Paige, the other evening. At first, neither Zhanna nor Ella would get into the pool. Zhanna used her favorite expression ("I don't can"), coupled with the words, "many people." Paige was so kind and kept throwing a bouncy ball to Ella. It wasn't long before Ella went to change into her swimming suit and then she got into the pool. But it took Zhanna much longer. She sat by me on the sidelines for much of the time, and then finally got up and walked to the edge of the pool to throw the ball back and forth to Ella and Paige. In the last half an hour of pool time, Zhanna finally went to change and got into the pool. They had a blast! They really warmed up to Paige, and on the ride home afterwards, both girls said they wanted to do it again. We'll have many more of these new experiences and interactions with new people, but hopefully, with each encounter it will get easier and easier.

Another issue we are dealing with is that of money. The girls have been given a LOT - by us and by many other people. Ella's birthday was Saturday, and they received almost a truckload of presents (a slight exaggeration, but not too far off). So, today we went grocery shopping at Walmart. The girls had both been given some birthday money, which they wanted to take and spend immediately. That was fine with us right now. So, Zhanna picked out a movie DVD she wanted. It cost about $20, and she had $30. She wanted another DVD, in addition to the first. We explained that we couldn't buy it right now, so she would have to choose which one to buy, but she couldn't buy both. We also explained that soon we would like to start giving her and Ella an allowance, as we did for Nathan and Annie, where they had to do chores at home during the week, and if they did everything they would get some money at the end of the week. We explained that some of the money would be for saving, and some would be to give to church, but the rest she could have to save up to spend and buy things she wanted. She said, "I no like that." She was totally serious. I guess she just assumed that we would keep buying everything she asked for and it would all be wonderful! We'll have to keep explaining and help her and Ella to understand more about money management and about careful spending and saving. It will take time.

We're getting better with the food, though. They are trying more and more new foods, and learning to accept and like them. Ella even had green chili on her pizza the other day and liked it. Whoo-hoo! That's a New Mexico milestone! They really can't be part of our family until they like green chili! They both still eat a lot. It seems like they are making up for many years of not getting enough to eat. I think they love it that they can eat as much as they want and whenever they are hungry. We love to see them eat healthy and nourishing foods.

We've been having family devotionals at night. We have a Russian children's Bible, and we've been having the girls read a page each and then tell us the story in English the best they can. We fill in the blanks with sign language and guesswork. It has been a fun and interactive way to get them involved and to learn Bible stories at the same time. Then we all take turns praying. The girls sometimes pray in Russian, and sometimes say a short prayer in English. Beautiful!

God is supplying our every need. He is growing each one of us. Our relationships with each other are growing stronger. I think they've forgiven me for sending them to their rooms, and they understand that I truly love them, or I wouldn't do that. After their birthday party on the 4th of July, Ella wrote a note to me that said, "Mom, you the best. Ella." Sweet!

Mark and I have talked about how we are getting a much clearer picture of God in the Old Testament now. He longed to have a deeper mutual love relationship with His children, but that couldn't be accomplished without the rules. In the Old Testament God had to focus on the rules with His children, while attempting to build the relationship. He had to punish His children and send them to exile. They still didn't understand. But eventually, in sending Jesus, He demonstrated His immense love for us, His children. He has shown us He wants to provide for us and love us, but there is discipline and responsibility involved, too. We want the girls to be happy now, yes. But more importantly, we want them to grow to live a life that is Happy in the Lord. We want to give them Jesus and an eternal relationship with Him. Then they will have happiness and so much more.

Our days are full and blessed. Tomorrow we plan to take the girls to the zoo. We can't wait to see their reaction. Thank you so much for prayers and encouragement. God is an awesome God, and His people are a blessing.

Love to all,
Dawn and Mark