New Experiences

Two weeks at home. Yes! We're all getting more settled and comfortable now. The girls each had a rough day or two last week, but things are getting better now. They are learning that there are boundaries to be observed and that money and things don't grow on trees to be given to them whenever they demand. But they also seem more settled, knowing that this is real life now, and we love them very much and will always provide for them.

Let me explain. Last week we began English lessons. Our friend, Mary, brought wonderful books and activities for the girls to work on. Mary is out of town now for two weeks, so we are to be working on English homework everyday. The day after Mary left the homework, the girls got up in the morning, got dressed, had breakfast and made their beds. I then told them, "Okay, girls, now we're going to have our English lesson before you go out to play and ride your bikes." Ella turned on me with an angry face and shouted, "No!" Zhanna was also upset, but I tried to be calm as I explained to both of them that, yes, we needed to do our English lesson everyday, that it wouldn't take long, and then they could play. I coaxed them both to sit down with me and we began. Zhanna did fine, but Ella continued to have a sulky, bad attitude. I tried to correct her and give her 2 or 3 warnings. Finally, I couldn't go on. I told her, "Okay, Ella, if you aren't going to have a good attitude, then you may go back to your room." She walked back to their room and closed the door. I finished the lesson with Zhanna, and then went to check on Ella. I tried to talk with her and reason with her, but she wouldn't look at me or talk to me. So, once again, I told her, "It's your choice, Ella. You can be miserable and stay in your room, or you can come out, do your lesson, be done with it, and then go and play." She wouldn't respond, so I closed the door and left. That was about 11:00 am. She put the covers over her head and went to sleep (which she probably needed). I went back to the room every hour or two throughout the day, but she remained stubborn. At 6:00 pm I went in to find her sitting in the closet in a corner. I said, "Ella, aren't you hungry? Don't you want to come eat?" She nodded her head. I said, "Okay, but we still have to do our English lesson. Do you want to eat first, then do English, or do you want to do our English first and then eat?" She said, "English first!" I was saying a prayer of thanks to God that we won that one! Yes! We had a short, condensed English lesson, then she ate readily!

The interesting thing is, that the next day, Zhanna did the very same thing. It was later in the afternoon - about 4:00 because we had been busy in the morning, but as we started the lesson Zhanna had a nasty attitude and kept saying, "I don't can" (her favorite phrase). I tried coaxing and encouraging, but had to give her several warnings and told her that if she couldn't be nice and at least try, then she'd have to go to her room like Ella had to. After more hesitance and nastiness, she threw her book on the table and said, "I don't can!" I had no choice but to send her to her room. She hesitated, but stomped out (I was thankful she didn't refuse). Then it was her turn to be stubborn and not talk. It was almost as if she was saying, "If you love me like you love Ella, you'll set the rules for me, too." She wouldn't give in, so she missed dinner and stayed in her room all night. But the GREAT thing is, the next morning, both girls readily sat down and participated willingly in their English lesson. Praise God! We broke some ground!

Since then things have been getting somewhat easier. Zhanna still balks at new experiences, especially when she feels that people will judge her or think she's foolish. We were invited to go swimming at a swimming pool with Donna and her daughter, Paige, the other evening. At first, neither Zhanna nor Ella would get into the pool. Zhanna used her favorite expression ("I don't can"), coupled with the words, "many people." Paige was so kind and kept throwing a bouncy ball to Ella. It wasn't long before Ella went to change into her swimming suit and then she got into the pool. But it took Zhanna much longer. She sat by me on the sidelines for much of the time, and then finally got up and walked to the edge of the pool to throw the ball back and forth to Ella and Paige. In the last half an hour of pool time, Zhanna finally went to change and got into the pool. They had a blast! They really warmed up to Paige, and on the ride home afterwards, both girls said they wanted to do it again. We'll have many more of these new experiences and interactions with new people, but hopefully, with each encounter it will get easier and easier.

Another issue we are dealing with is that of money. The girls have been given a LOT - by us and by many other people. Ella's birthday was Saturday, and they received almost a truckload of presents (a slight exaggeration, but not too far off). So, today we went grocery shopping at Walmart. The girls had both been given some birthday money, which they wanted to take and spend immediately. That was fine with us right now. So, Zhanna picked out a movie DVD she wanted. It cost about $20, and she had $30. She wanted another DVD, in addition to the first. We explained that we couldn't buy it right now, so she would have to choose which one to buy, but she couldn't buy both. We also explained that soon we would like to start giving her and Ella an allowance, as we did for Nathan and Annie, where they had to do chores at home during the week, and if they did everything they would get some money at the end of the week. We explained that some of the money would be for saving, and some would be to give to church, but the rest she could have to save up to spend and buy things she wanted. She said, "I no like that." She was totally serious. I guess she just assumed that we would keep buying everything she asked for and it would all be wonderful! We'll have to keep explaining and help her and Ella to understand more about money management and about careful spending and saving. It will take time.

We're getting better with the food, though. They are trying more and more new foods, and learning to accept and like them. Ella even had green chili on her pizza the other day and liked it. Whoo-hoo! That's a New Mexico milestone! They really can't be part of our family until they like green chili! They both still eat a lot. It seems like they are making up for many years of not getting enough to eat. I think they love it that they can eat as much as they want and whenever they are hungry. We love to see them eat healthy and nourishing foods.

We've been having family devotionals at night. We have a Russian children's Bible, and we've been having the girls read a page each and then tell us the story in English the best they can. We fill in the blanks with sign language and guesswork. It has been a fun and interactive way to get them involved and to learn Bible stories at the same time. Then we all take turns praying. The girls sometimes pray in Russian, and sometimes say a short prayer in English. Beautiful!

God is supplying our every need. He is growing each one of us. Our relationships with each other are growing stronger. I think they've forgiven me for sending them to their rooms, and they understand that I truly love them, or I wouldn't do that. After their birthday party on the 4th of July, Ella wrote a note to me that said, "Mom, you the best. Ella." Sweet!

Mark and I have talked about how we are getting a much clearer picture of God in the Old Testament now. He longed to have a deeper mutual love relationship with His children, but that couldn't be accomplished without the rules. In the Old Testament God had to focus on the rules with His children, while attempting to build the relationship. He had to punish His children and send them to exile. They still didn't understand. But eventually, in sending Jesus, He demonstrated His immense love for us, His children. He has shown us He wants to provide for us and love us, but there is discipline and responsibility involved, too. We want the girls to be happy now, yes. But more importantly, we want them to grow to live a life that is Happy in the Lord. We want to give them Jesus and an eternal relationship with Him. Then they will have happiness and so much more.

Our days are full and blessed. Tomorrow we plan to take the girls to the zoo. We can't wait to see their reaction. Thank you so much for prayers and encouragement. God is an awesome God, and His people are a blessing.

Love to all,
Dawn and Mark